I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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