elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
