??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
