so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
