there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I love having hate sex.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
