Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
