I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize