is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
These tits shall not be calmed
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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