I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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