Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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