Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
