my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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