is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
