Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It was confusing and full of hummus
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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