I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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