Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
