My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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