Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
