Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
