Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
