sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
