So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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