...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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