I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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