We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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