i just had sex bonerless
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
