we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
