dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
