Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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