Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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