Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize