Taylor Swift is so right about you.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
