Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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