every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
