i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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