i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
