forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I came so hard my ears popped.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
