Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize