you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
