She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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