if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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