dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
