Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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