If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
