well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
