Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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