I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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