PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
bring money and cleavage
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize