I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
