we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
