If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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