insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
