i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
