It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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