My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I could make wine with my vomit
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
