her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
