You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
