I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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