i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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