I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we made out on top of his cat.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
