its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
