i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
