The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
