im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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