absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Everyone says I win the strip club
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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