does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
